It's been a while and I'm so so sorry. I've been trying to sort out life, thinking about what I want to do with my blog and YouTube channel.
I've had my YouTube for over a year and it's not been the easy task juggling being a Mother and trying to be consistant with the content on my channel and blog.
I guess I'm writing this blog as a way to get my feeling out as I'm wondering if anyone feels similar to how I do, so here goes!
At first I had no idea what I wanted to do with my blog. This isn't my first try at the blogging scene but it isn't much different to be honest. Initially I wanted to have my blog site centre around being a new mum, which was a great idea but I felt so much of my time was being a new Mother that I wanted to do something different to break up my time.
I'm not sure how or why I decided to do make up reviews because besides from wearing eye liner and lipstick here and there at school I've never really been into. A strong part of it I would say came from watching many beauty videos on YouTube. I would watch all the Get Ready With Me, Favourites and other types of videos and wanted to be part of that community but it never felt like the real me.
What I liked about the people in front of the camera is their passion. That's what I wanted most of all for myself, to have the passion to talk about what I loved and cared about and it wasn't so much about beauty, it was books. Sadly by this time I had invested a large of myself into thinking that beauty was the way to go and trying to push myself into something I wasn't 100% about made my anxiety sky rocket on the inside which in turn made me depressed.
That's when I decided it didn't have to be all or nothing. I didn't have the confidence to talk the beauty talk but I still could share what I loved about beauty in the form of a blog. The anxiety was still there but it was less and I felt better but I still wanted to bring my love of books into my blog.
Writing about books brought me back to square one again and I felt so down on myself. All I wanted to do was share about the book I was reading and if I could do that with beauty why couldn't I do that with books? Luckily for me I had my wonder boys to fall back on and distract my mind from all the anxiety I was feeling.
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| We have to keep smiling, no matter what. |
Over time I started to push myself into doing things I didn't like, for example sitting front of the camera and chatting about anything I could think of just so I could try to get comfortable enough to make sense. I eventually did but by that time the people who had started their path on YouTube at around the same time I did were on the fast track and I had much appreciated tiny audience. I used to get quite upset about it but I would look at my life and think I have a lovely little family of my own, how can I let something so small that was meant to be enjoyable stress me out?
This is my path. Maybe blogging and YouTube isn't right for me but I'm finally starting to feel comfortable in what I do. If anything is going to happen like everything in my life up to the moment of me writing this I'm going to have to be patient.
If you want something you have to work hard a push past the negative and stay in your own lane. That way when you get to where ever life takes us we can enjoy it outright.
I know this was a really long worded blog today but if you got to the end it means a lot.
Sorry if I seem patronising, I just let my hands take over on this post. It's honest and feels raw so it is what it is. I'll gladly ask questions if their are any.
My YouTube link if you would like to have a look around.
I would love to know your story also, please leave links below.
Thanks again x
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